EMOTIONAL WEEK><

ARRRR!It's years ago since I've last experienced it!*3years?Or is it longer?hmmsss....**Sigh.*I've never been so moody and emotional before!*Okay,never for these recent years!*-___-....I've no idea,this week just doesn't seems to be my week!Been having nightmares....and my brain is full of those unwanted image!!*don't think anything wrongly!!!!*sigh!The biggest nightmare I had was....I became another person just like him...!NO WAY!This dream,has been bugging me for quite awhile....Although I said that my aim to study hard is MONEY...*Yes,to earn MONEY $$$!*However,deeply in my heart,is because I didn't want to be another person just like him..!*Okay,even though he had high level of studies before...-_-*I don't,OR NEVER EVER WANTED TO BECOME A JERK LIKE HIM!....*Yes,my hatred for him is increasing DAILY!*

.....Every relatives said that the both of us look alike....In other words,we look like mom.Yes,it's good to be like mommy!<3 ....Yet....It's also another worry for me.In other words,I look like him?....Is that meaning that I'll end up like him?The more I think of it,the more I hate myself.I've even swear that,if one day,I become another version of him.I will straight away jump off from the thirty levels,when I'm still able to control myself.Without letting greed,and the other thoughts overwhelm me......

That's true.

I hate that.I can be jolly well and hyper usually,*MOST OF THE TIME!* I can be carefree.I took things seriously when I'm doing it,and the results,whether if it's positive OR negative,it'll never bother my mind.However,only if I've turned into someone like him,I can really say that I'll rather choose death.


I'm trying my best.to control myself now.....It's really the biggest stress I've to face compared to the stress I bear for o'lvls.Especially this few days,the dreams I had.Are driving me insane,nuts any moment.I can even feel that it started to affect my health now.*I'm not really healthy in the first place-.-*Trying my best to keep everything under control,and I didn't notice earlier that this is making me emotionally unstable......HELP!If there's someone out there can tell me that this wouldn't happen in my future!....AAAARRRRRGH><


"Sometimes,I really curse that he doesn't exist in this world."